Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Randomize
