I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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