Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
