Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
