the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
