i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
