If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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