put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
