let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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