dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
