I bet he comes in French.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
