Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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