She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
