We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
