Pregnant stripper...not hot.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
