so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
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