god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
