I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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