Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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