and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
