Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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