It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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