I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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