I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
