I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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