My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
