youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
