I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize