how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
