So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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