my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
COCAINE IS GR8
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