Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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