I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
