Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
