I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
