Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
