Buhtt sex?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
