He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize