hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
