I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
