Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Randomize
