I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
