i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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