OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
