I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
