She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We are two peas in an std pod
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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