Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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