you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
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