xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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