not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
