Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
