there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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