You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
