That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
