what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
