I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize