I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
