And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
