We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Is it because I queefed?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
