If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She's the barista slut.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
