seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
