I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
