Midget sex pt 2 tonight
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
