Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Still dying that you shit outside
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
