Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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