Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
