where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Randomize
