This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
