What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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